OCD and Me

What Is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

Worries, doubts, superstitious beliefs all are common in everyday life. However, when they become so excessive such as hours of hand washing or make no sense at all such as driving around and around the block to check that an accident didn’t occur then a diagnosis of OCD is made. In OCD, it is as though the brain gets stuck on a particular thought or urge and just can’t let go. People with OCD often say the symptoms feel like a case of mental hiccups that won’t go away. OCD is a medical brain disorder that causes problems in information processing. It is not your fault or the result of a “weak” or unstable personality.

Okay, so by all accounts, I have not consulted a physician about this (probably should, eh?) and I’ve not really looked into it, but I thought it was interesting to at least write down. Are you ready? I am.

I have OCD. Or at least, I have a mild case of it. Case and point, my comforter on my bed is messed up and it’s bugging the shit out of me. However, I’m now writing about it, and ignoring it. Mental hiccups my ass! This is like watching someone die and not doing anything about it, only less violent. Whoops, I just made the bed. Too bad I am going to unmake it in about 10 minutes.

Two people today have told me that I have this condition and I didn’t really paid attention to them. Now, as I reorganize my music collection, again, I think back to what they were saying. How many people clean the battery bay on their calculator for 51 minutes? Okay, now how many clean the part that you will never see? Yup, that was me today. Okay, now how many people reorganize music three times in one day. *chirp* Yup, me again.

1. Obsessions.

Obsessions are thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again and feel out of your control. The person does not want to have these ideas, finds them disturbing and intrusive, and usually recognizes that they don’t really make sense. People with OCD may worry excessively about dirt and germs and be obsessed with the idea that they are contaminated or may contaminate others. Or they may have obsessive fears of having inadvertently harmed someone else (perhaps while pulling the car out of the driveway), even though they usually know this is not realistic. Obsessions are accompanied by uncomfortable feelings, such as fear, disgust, doubt, or a sensation that things have to be done in a way that is “just so.”

2. Compulsions.

People with OCD typically try to make their obsessions go away by performing compulsions. Compulsions are acts the person performs over and over again, often according to certain “rules.” People with an obsession about contamination may wash constantly to the point that their hands become raw and inflamed. A person may repeatedly check that she has turned off the stove or iron because of an obsessive fear of burning the house down. She may have to count certain objects over and over because of an obsession about losing them. Unlike compulsive drinking or gambling, OCD compulsions do not give the person pleasure. Rather, the rituals are performed to obtain relief from the discomfort caused by the obsessions.

3. Other features of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

OCD symptoms cause distress, take up a lot of time (more than an hour a day), or significantly interfere with the person’s work, social life, or relationships.

Most individuals with OCD recognize at some point that their obsessions are coming from within their own minds and are not just excessive worries about real problems, and that the compulsions they perform are excessive or unreasonable. When someone with OCD does not recognize that their beliefs and actions are unreasonable, this is called OCD with poor insight.

OCD symptoms tend to wax and wane over time. Some may be little more than background noise; others may produce extremely severe distress.

Maybe this is why little things that people do and say bug me so much. For example, if someone doesn’t sit next to me at lunch, I’ll think about it all day, no matter what else is happening!

Guess what, I don’t give a fuck. I like being OCD; it keeps me clean. Oh wait, I found a wrinkle in the sheets!


I demanded we do something, and I receive. Wow, I am so selfish. We (a few “old” friends and I) went to see In Good Company. How about a quick outline of the film and my thoughts?

Fueled by a $30-a-day Starbucks habit, Carter, one of the main characters, is a caffeinated corporate poster boy. He’s “psyched,” everything is “awesome,” and the key to success is “synergy.” (Did he hear that from Mark?) Successful is, of course, what Carter wants to be, and he’s driven to impress his corporate masters. But his aspiration seem almost silly in the shadow his self-assured, forthright wingman Dan.

Carter quickly realizes that Dan has everything he doesn’t–a balanced, meaningful life. And so he wisely–though it’s hard to call Carter wise–starts paying attention to how Dan operates. He invites himself over to dinner, protects Dan’s job from elimination, and–without Dan’s knowledge–starts dating Alex, a move that’s much to Dan’s chagrin when he finds out. The love story that evolves between Carter and Alex is quite real and very tangible. For me, it was the most enjoyable part of the movie. And although not everything works out just the right way — I won’t give away the details — it did end nicely. I didn’t exactly like the movie, but I most certainly didn’t dislike it. I suppose I really enjoyed the idea of the movie far more than I did it, itself.

I realized why I don’t really enjoy hanging out with these people though, after. I know this is going to hurt some people, but I must say, it hurt me a little. Don’t invite me if you aren’t going to say two words the whole time. Just take your tongue out of his/her mouth for like ten seconds.

Okay, sorry. You might want to ignore that.

After, I went to a friends house and had a enjoyable time. We watched SNL, which, as always, amuses the mind to a great degree.

I’ve decided I will buy an island someday and have people I know and love live on it. Yea, that’d be nice.

So It’s Raining

So it’s raining and I feel the spontaneous urge to go out and do something. The only question is: what?

I don’t want to suggest things here or be rude, but I need to get out of this house. What
do I do?

Rainy days only come around every so often and every time they do, I feel the same way. It’s great. How about I rent a camera and a van, and we’ll pretend where in love, for our movie. And when it calls for rain, we won’t have to fake it.