Disneyland – Again

Okay, so we decided it was time to go to Disneyland. Again.

Gah! Okay, yes, it is the happiest place on Earth, and I do really enjoy it, but going there every weekend for the past, I don’t know, say four months, makes it quite boring. That’s enough of that though, I don’t want border on negative again.

We started out plainly enough, with a nice, long drive. Toward the end, I felt quite accomplished: I drove the whole way without a stop. Yes! California Adventure was our first stop, and as always, there was still just one thing I wanted to see. Golden Dreams is such an inspiration show and I highly recommend it!

During another swing around a giant orange (or was it a peach?) I had had an epiphany. Actually, I’m not really sure it deserves such a title, but it was pretty swell. You see, I was wearing sandals (quite liberating actually) and in order to swing, I had to take them off so as to not smack some unfortunate guest on the head. Feeling the wind whip through my toes and flip my favorite jeans around (my whole favorite outfit actually) was just something I knew right away that I’d want to share with you. I don’t really know what was so great about that swing, but it’s just something I’d like to remember.

Have you ever seen something that you couldn’t help from smiling upon the sight of it? Have you ever seen the face of a child just light up with pure, innocent joy? I don’t really remember myself doing anything of the like, but just like a small kid I saw in Disneyland, I too once smiled at Mickey. It was so nice to see that someone, no matter how old, or mature, could be happy with something so small, and so simple.

Why can’t I enjoy those things too? Perhaps I’ve just lost my child…

The Last Game

So tonight was the last football game for the season, and I’m left with quite a bitter-sweet taste in my mouth. Figuratively, of course.

PIT was unbelievable, and when I say that, I really mean it. Never before have I spoken so freely and happily to anyone, ever. As strange as it may sound, I really opened up, to myself. People might have seen me as the same old, not-talking kind of kid, but on the inside, I really began to speak. I figured out what I want, and what I want is within my reach. It was as if she was right (you know who she is), when she said I really was lying to her and myself. Okay, this is getting pretty weird…

I not only saw, but spoke to most of my good friends at the game, too. I’m sure you’ve noticed in your own life, but just seeing such a wonderfully happy face brighten even more at the sight of you, is simply wonderful. I made a pact with one of my friends to speak to our other [proposed]half about how we really feel. Well, as it turns out, I didn’t talk to her, and she didn’t talk to him, but I think we both made some mental headway, if that makes any sense.

Okay, back to PIT for a second. Even though my show was not as good as it could have been, and I lacked a cymbal for the whole show, I enjoyed it. Whether is was small inside laughs between me and another, or my smirking at another’s stupidity, I’m not sure. I’m not really sure if that even matters. I thought maybe you should know.

On the way back to the percussion room, I took the old vibe. Okay, so let’s call my marimba hotness. Okay, so it’s really not too great of a marimba, but the fact is, it’s my marimba, so it can be hotness, at least for me. The vibe. Oh man, that’s a different story all together. The vibe is what one calls the new hotness. Never before was I able to run or spin in circles with my instrument, nor race down the sidewalk with a timpani. It was a blast simply moving a vibe. How pathetic am I? (And not only that, it made me realize even more how much I really do want to play it, and the fact that I am never going to get it.)

Here comes the bitter part, so you’d better brace yourself. I think a few people are mad at me now. Oh no, the world is falling in on me! Yes, that was dumb, but it needed to be said, you know? I don’t mean to come off as rude or brusque, but it’s my only defense from myself saying something and looking stupid. How does one get over that?

I am now really regretting not going to the PIT things last year. Oh how I wish I would have; how much fun did I miss out on? It’s really coming back to haunt me too, especially when two people I have the utmost of respect for, pointed it out. What a schmuck? Yea, that’s what I think of myself too…

Final reason to be bitter, was, well, you’ve guessed it: her. Yes, I’m back to thinking of her 24/7, and still longing to be with her. Oh well, back to plain old me, I guess. She was there today, and I saw her, and I said I a lot in that sentence. Have you ever seen someone and just been suddenly hit with something about them? She is quite beautiful, and I don’t think I take enough time to appreciate that. The way she spoke to her family was charming, and the way she spoke to me was mesmerizing. I hope I’m not too obvious.

Okay, I am back to sweet, if you were wondering. Seeing one of PIT’s family has made me want kids, little ones, like no other (woah, did you just read that?) They’re so adorable! She told me a story that the littlest one, the boy, ran up to her boyfriend and hugged him. Not only that, but told him he loved him. I don’t care who you are, but you have to be effected by that just a bit. Despite the fact that boyfriend was totally repulsed by the kid there, he did manage to scrape a few points back when I heard he was sitting in the kitchen one day, talking to the kid. That’s how I wish my life could be: happy. Family is pretty important, I guess. I’m not too fond of mine, but I love other’s families. Maybe I just don’t appreciate mine enough. Either way, I want a little kid. Okay, not now, but in the future.

It’s random thought time! Have you ever just been sitting with yourself and musing about life when suddenly you think of something that just makes you chuckle or laugh? I know the feeling, but I try to hide it. It may be weird, but what do people really care if you start laughing at yourself. Someone told me today to smilie more (at the time, I was trying to keep from smiling.) She said that you should always take advantage of what smilie time you have, because you never know when you might be sad again. It’s sound advice, for anyone.

I’ve made a decision now, just now actually. Although tonight may have helped me along to deciding. I am going to ask her the one question I’ve been dying to ask for a long while. Oh, I do sound cliche, but that’s okay. She’s so wonderful; I want her to be part of my life, in a bigger way. Does that sound selfish? I hope not, but even if it is, I want to share what I have to offer, with her.

I don’t want this to turn all lovey-dovey, but I think it’s time for some thank you’s for tonight and other times. I see one couple in-particular that does nothing but give me hope for the future. One couple that says so me, you could be happy like that too. One couple that doesn’t irritate everything out of me. Maybe it’s just because she’s just a wonderful person to me, all of the time, or maybe it’s just his incredible sense of self that inspires me all the time. Either way, they’re both wonderful, and I would do almost anything to be something like what they are. Thank you to them. And thank you to another member of PIT who is, quite simply, a good pal. I honestly don’t have too many friends (real friends, not just good acquaintances) and he has certainly made it up to one of favorite people in only a few days. I’ve been able to talk to him about things that I don’t dare bring up with others. Thank you to him, too.

So I close tonight, with a happy note. That makes me happy, seeing as how, as of late, I’ve generally been quite upset. This is a nice change. And although it may be a bittersweet end to such a wonderful chapter in my life, I leave with the hope of things to come: steel band (hopefully PIT all over again, with more people!), friends, PIT camping trip for next year, and, of course, her.