While I’ve been on a track of honesty, I’ll admit something. Parting really bothers me. Being canceled on hurts. Being left, people leaving destroys me. Sometimes, even the little things that don’t bother most people reduce me to a pathetic, smothered pile of tears and loneliness. How’s that for a mental image? I’ve been like this ever since I was little and my first grade teacher made fun of me when I asked where my mom went, and come to think of it, I’m positive I cried about leaving all kinds of people even before that. It’s not bad, and it is grounded in true and honest feelings of love, but it does make things really hard sometimes.
It’s really funny how the first time and the most recent time I admitted my love were under an umbrella. Before, I was hiding from people, hiding the most important thing I could from one of the most important person in my life. Now, I’ve been hiding behind an umbrella of guilt, shame, remorse; fear, anxiety, and loneliness. It’s not how I want to spend my life, and I’m sorry I’m so selfish, but if it makes any difference, it’s for easy things like time at lunch, phone calls, and friendship mail. I just told someone that I loved them. This time it wasn’t as clear as the last, but I mean every syllable– every phoneme of it. Sometimes, I can’t believe what I’ve done out of fear, fatigue, and loneliness. I know it can’t ever go away, but I hope this helps you remember what I am about: all the umbrellas in London couldn’t hide my love for you. So what if we don’t have time to always talk, go to lunch, punch each other, or visit our gobs of friends. I’m in your heart, and you’re in mine. That’s some place no one can ever leave.
“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”