I want so badly to smell like smoke. I want to accept it and smell it, I want to be it. Wouldn’t it be so wonderful to just vanish away into nothingness? I feel embarrassed and want nothing more right now than to simply evanesces. Even so, I hate the smell, and I resent the clothing that contains it. I can take it off, but I know what they say is true, the smoke sinks into your skin.
“I called the band hotline only to get last year’s results. On the bright side, Chelsea Joseph made piccolo.”
I wanted tonight to be something worth being, too, and God knows that I gave up a lot of other offers, and I know I would have been happy with them. I had high hopes for the evening, and it seems that I’ve caused exactly what I wanted to not happen. I’m not really sure God has anything to do with it; people will do as they please, and slam doors accordingly.
There was a point tonight (and I know I’ll be rebuked for this, but it really made me feel good), where I just sat back in a car, relaxed, and listened to someone with great points about my situations. It was a good moment, to be assured that things are okay, even if you won’t get what I want. I felt safe, when I was there, I felt so safe.
I’m so weary of people who just don’t want me how I need them. I get the feeling I know what you want to tell me, and it might go along the lines of “become a bit more mature and appreciate what you have.” You shut your mouth, how can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
I’ve been working on some back-end syndication things (mainly cross-posting to Xanga), and I probably deleted some old comments/posts there. I didn’t do it on purpose, I promise. The really funny part is this post is ID’d as 666. Heh, my life is great, isn’t it. I’ve got some updates to work into the system soon which might actually be fun. Keep your eyes peeled.
I really wanted to say something, but I’m sure that would show off my bitter and sarcastic side. Missing your daily dose of sarcasm? I’ll get you your fix: “nice to meet you”.
Every day, I come home a little more exhausted to mountains of homework, disapproving parents, and a dead weight on my shoulders. I do my absolute best to sit down, shake the sand out of my shoes, and take one problem at a time. It’s not that I’m not enjoying my life, but it is that you aren’t in it anymore. That bothers me a little. And everyday, I try to no avail to get your attention. But you’re happy, and that’s all that matters. I’m glad things worked out for you.
Have you ever destroyed something you created to attempt to communicate and perhaps help?